Part Two: Run Like Breaking Wind

This is a continuation from last week's blog. It was too long for one post. Even this is almost too long for one post. The only fart joke in today's post is in the title. I'm maturing!

Once I got up to speed and started running on a regular basis, I realized how boring it is. There's no variety, except for the scenery, but when you're running the same few routes over and over, it all looks the same. It's just the heavy thud of my feet on the pavement, over and over and over. Thump, thump, thump.

It's all about getting into a rhythm, because so much of running is rhythmic: the pounding of your feet on the pavement, the staccato beat of your heart, the in and out and in and out and in and out breathing. And because the whole tortuous act of running is rhythmic, it makes sense that music helps.

I feel like I always have to run and work out with music because I get so. fucking. bored. if I don't. Sometimes I forget my iPod or my headphones when I'm doing one or the other and it's like this...

(Not my cat.)

My cat is beautiful and super cute and and is pretty much the sweetest thing on the planet. And looks like this...

(If that doesn't make you say "d'aawww,"

 you have no heart. Model: Diablo)

I digress.

I usually keep my iPod on random and it's a generally good soundtrack for working out, but running needs upbeat songs, or at least songs that seemingly fit the moment or the mood. (That was essentially the most emo sentence I've ever written.) However, due to keeping plenty of songs for my mother, whose incredible electronic ineptitude has relegated plenty of unwanted songs onto my device, I come across some that don't fit for running or working out and will bring you to a screeching halt. Case in point: Celine Dion. Ain't no way my heart is going on anywhere after that comes blaring on.

(Author's note: From here on out, you will be inundated with links. Feel free to listen to them, or feel free not to. Just click it. You know you want to. Make a playlist, then go running. You'll thank me later.)

Running is supposed to be Fun. (How about that for a solid transition, eh?) I know it's cliche and overplayed, but running along the beach at night when your energy is waning and the cold is biting at your cheeks, it's a good song to keep you going. That drumbeat is like whoa.

I've also heard some songs that I haven't listened to in years, from the likes of: Millencolin, Bad Religion, and Thrice (I swear, if I ever got mugged while I was listening to this song, I could probably rip the guy's asshole through the top his skull. I just get so AMPED! Unless it's the slow piano part at the end - that's when I play possum. "Take my iPod, take my shoes, take whatever!"). The list of bands I listened to in high school and could still run to now is endless, so I'll stop that business right now so I don't lose you, as long as I haven't already.

I don't even know how to start on this one, so I'll just say it: Ashlee Simpson. I didn't really ever give it much of a thought, and I hardly remember why I have it on my iPod, but this song is fucking filth. She's telling me I make her want to "La La" and she's like an alley cat and wants to drink the milk up? *SWOON*

When I'm running and this song comes on, I inadvertently imagine she's waiting for me at my apartment and she wants me to La La her while she's dressed as a French maid. And then I'm running with an erection, which introduces a whole host of challenges that can only help my coordination, right? Hell yeah.

Maybe if I'm feeling like a badass, Blake Shelton will do.

If you're running in Venice, the fictional band Steel Dragon from the movie Rockstar will do.

Suspicious Minds, while slow and a little sad, is a dark horse for my favorite running song. I'm not sure why, but it propels me.

A band that you may not have heard of... The Audition. Yeah I went there, I'm way better than you because I knew about this band before you did. I actually hope you don't like it because I don't want them to be more popular than they used to be.

Free is just... Just good. Good to do anything to. Don't question me. Sit down and listen. Because I run, and you don't. You lazyass. 

Running in the rain along Montana, next to some restaurants and it's dark out...that's what U2 is all about. It's the first lyric for crying out loud! (Now this is the most emo sentence I've ever written.) Especially if you've just broken up with someone. (Now that one wins the emo award.)

Sometimes Elton John comes on (another product of my mother, but I don't hold this against her in the least), but that results in what looks like a seizure to the common observer, but is actually rundancing. If you haven't tried it or seen it, I suggest you give it a try.

(Thanks for your help demonstrating, Phoebes.)

Don't ever listen to Dragonforce unless you want to sprint the entire way and then cry for eternity because you listened to a whole Dragonforce song. I swear, feels like you just drank 17 5-Hour Energy shots and you take off like someone branded your ass with a hot fire poker. By the time you get back home, your heart has exploded and your eyes have popped out of your noggin and just dangle there like face testicles.

I've never run or done anything but work while listening to this song, but I think I could run to this song. I think I could cure cancer to this song. Thank you, Hot Water Music. And if I somehow cure cancer, the world will thank you, too.

Last but not least, if you're running in the buttfuck cold of morning as the sun is coming up and you're running through little puffs of your own breath, the first Boston CD is always perfect. Because as you're working out the kinks of sleeping and all you can think about is how nice it would be to be back in the warmth of your bed, the softly plucked guitar of "More than a Feeling" comes through your earbuds and you think to yourself, "Fuck it, I'm already up. When's the last time someone had a bad day when this is the first song they heard?"

By the time you're running along the beach and the sunrise is almost too bright and beautiful to look at, and you're hitting your stride and feeling good,  you gain a little clarity. Some Peace of Mind, perhaps.