Pass Me the Gravy Boat

Oh man, so much to catch up on. Not updating this blog for two weeks has created pent up content that I don't have the patience to write, and you surely don't have the patience to read. So this will be an eating update, because I love food and it's so easy to write about, and I will update later about running and lifting.

To summarize: In the past two weeks, I've managed to go running six times and do some sort of weight training four times. That's a total of 10 workouts in 14 days. Considering some doubled up, and I needed days off to recover, that's pretty good - a 71 percent workout rating. I feel good, I feel healthy, I feel strong, and I'm sleeping better. This whole exercising thing regularly is pretty rad. And despite the unknown fate of Twinkies, I managed to avoid these puppies...

(I know these aren't real. I want them anyway. Meat sweets. If you read that 

wrong, you read it as meat sweats, which is something I am known 

to experience after eating large quantities of, well...meat.)

All of this vigorous training does, however, have some drawbacks. I cannot stop eating. I'm always hungry and I almost never have healthy foods. To recap the last two weeks, I ate (not including breakfast):

Pizza for nine meals;
Five meals that were just two slices of cheese bread;
Six runzas;
Taco Tuesday twice;
Two Subway sandwiches;
A salad.

My dietary habits read like the 12 Days of Christmas of a stoned college student. But, that's not the worst of the lot. Last Friday night (Nov 9), I ate a normal dinner (garlic cheese bread), then ate a grease-soaked quesadilla at 2 a.m. I wasn't even drunk, I was the DD! If it's there, I can't say no, and I like to keep the local Mom and Pop businesses afloat.

The next night I had pizza for dinner, and got together with old friends to bid adieu to a girl moving to San Francisco. That night, I was drunk, and we continued the celebration at 2 a.m. at Del Taco, where I partied with two shredded beef burritos, a taco, another quesadilla and chili fries. But I'm working out and running! So that totally offsets it.

Sadly, even when I'm working my catering job, I'm no better. I ate a cheese bread dinner and then made my way to the coolest of the cool Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 after parties. I actually was on my feet for about seven hours straight before I got to eat. I did sneak some ceviche and chips, which was a delightful treat to hold me over during my long night. But once I got to eat, it was on. I started with chocolate bread pudding, followed by salmon, cheese bread again, prosciutto, mashed potatoes, and three different types of sugary little desserts.

This proved to be a potentially lethal combination the next day when I evacuated my bowels and the man in the stall next to me hit the deck, pants around his ankles, completely unconscious. I cleared his pockets of all valuables and fanned him until the haze cleared and he started to stir. Then I got the hell out of there.

Point is: These habits aren't good for me, and apparently not good for the people around me either. Such is life. I'm thinking I have to stop writing about the food I eat because it never changes and HOLY SHIT Thanksgiving is right around the corner!

Somebody pass me the gravy boat, I'm about about to clog some arteries.

(This is exactly how large I want this year's gravy boat to be. I want to bathe in it)

Exercise Won This Round

For everyone who was looking forward to punting me in the dangler, I have bad news. I actually worked out last week. Not once, not twice, not three times, but FOUR! Of course, not all of it was supremely intense, but a guy has work his way back into shape. I can't just go out and do a Tough Mudder style workout without working up to it. The main thing is that I got a couple workouts under my belt and it's motivating. I'm pumped to run this week, I'm pumped to work out this week. I'm high on exercise!

On the other hand, there were some difficult moments, which mostly revolve around excessively eating or drinking We will spell those out first. Wednesday, Halloween. I went to Wurstkuche, a popular restaurant that serves gourmet meats in phallic casings (i.e. exotic sausage, not to be confused with what women are hunting for when they want vacation sex). That wasn't too bad, because I only got one sausage, with sauerkraut and onions (vegetables!). But afterward, I was cajoled into going out. That resulted in mild drinking at Cabo Cantina. It was definitely not the worst night out, but it wasn't exactly a calm night in. I also ate pizza for five meals last week. Maybe six. I lost track. somewhere around the third and fourth pizza meal. On Saturday I ate more runzas!

(I swear, it's fucking impossible to find a picture that make runzas look appetizing. The 

homemade ones almost always come out all wonky, and the promotional photos for the 

Runza restaurant chain look so fake and processed. This is the best I could do. I'm going

to photoshoot the hell out my mom's next batch of these heavenly little meat pockets.)

And then I had dinner with the fam. It was super tasty. I managed to put down a full hen, and then some. I don't know what my father did to these damn hens, but it was off the charts. This was the moistest fully cooked fowl I've ever had. But I probably could have survived with only half. Sunday consisted of In n Out for lunch and more savory dinner with the parent that included tri-tip, potato, zucchini (MOAR VEGETABLES!) and garlic bread. Lots of garlic bread. SO much tasty bread. I have overcome my general laziness, but, man, eating a nutritional or remotely balanced meal is difficult.

On the positive note, I played soccer on Thursday, and seeing at it ended up being a 3-on-2 game, with me being on the smaller of the lopsided teams, I ran A LOT. Friday, I went for a run, and according to Google Maps, it was just longer than four miles. And I didn't die! Saturday, I worked out, mostly upper body stuff, but nothing too intense because, you know? I didn't want to strain myself and end up setting back my training a mere week into it. This was capped off with a solid hike near Mentryville, a supposed haunted ghost town in Santa Clarita. Of course, three of these four workouts were negated by some combination of the aforementioned vices.

It feels good to make progress, get outside and exercise, and start actually working toward the goal. I just wish energy wasn't so fleeting. One minute I'm bursting to get out, exercise and be productive and the next I'm like THBHTBTBTBTBT (you know, that deflating balloon fart noise). Maybe I can explain better with some photos.

I'll be at work and I get antsy and all I wish I could do is hop out of my cubicle and go flying out the door. I feel like I could just rocket out of there. Like this...

(I am a professional stunt astronaut. Do not try this at home.)

I always figure I can hang onto that energy and use it later. I mean, there's only 20 minutes left in the work day, how hard can it be to just delay that energy? Very hard. I'll get home and start to change to exercise and the next thing I know, I'm passed out on the couch looking vaguely homeless. I can't even pick up a guitar.

(This is a Photo illustration. This never happened. But, again, even 

if it did, I am a professional guitar-sleeper, do not try this at home.)

This doesn't just happen when it comes to waiting an hour or so to exercise. If I have the inkling to do anything active, but I don't act on it withing a couple minutes, it's gone, and who knows when it's coming back!?

Clearly, it's about getting in a routine. I want my body to be used to doing something active around the same time each day, that way I'm not missing out on a workout because I'm already obligated to work or play video games. This week, more running, and for longer! More working out! Eating the same shitty foods! Last, I haven't posted a photo of a cute animal lately, but I don't have a segue. So here it is. 

Wait for it, wait for it...OK, I do have a segue. When I try to exercise, I end up falling asleep in my food bowl.